


Remember, Remember, The Fifth of November

by MajorWolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Fireworks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:45:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8479297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: It's bonfire night, and Serena's worried that Bernie seems a little 'jumpy', a worry that only grows when she finds that it's been a while since she, or anyone else, last saw the blonde.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A little something I threw together whilst listening to the fireworks outside tonight. I've not proof read it, so I apologise for any errors you might find.

“Raf” Serena frowned as she approached him at the nurse’s station, “have you seen Bernie?” she’d already asked several members of staff who’d all given her the same, negative, response.

Raf shook his head, “not for a while” he said as he tried to think back to when he’d last seen the blonde, “is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, but if you see her, will you let me know? She erm, she was a bit jumpy earlier” Serena told him, as, almost right on cue, a rocket whizzed into the sky before exploding with a loud bang, sounding as if it was right outside the hospital.

The reason for Serena’s concern suddenly became clear to Raf, “of course”.

“Thank you, now, I know it’s highly unlikely but I’m just going to check she isn’t  on the fire escape or on the roof, I’ve got my phone and my pager if you need me.”

Raf nodded, “I hope you find her.”

“Me too” Serena agreed as she headed off the ward, “me too.”

Serena returned a little after ten minutes later, she’d checked the roof, the fire escape and the hospital gardens but Bernie was nowhere to be seen.  Serena had tried calling her several times but all her calls went unanswered.  She let Raf know she was back before heading into her office and once again dialing Bernie’s number.  She frowned slightly, ending the call when she heard Bernie’s phone ring, the sound muffled but definitely coming from inside the office.

Dropping her own phone onto her desk, Serena walked the short distance to the coat rack, feeling the pockets of Bernie’s coat and finding them empty.  She bit her lip and pulled out Bernie’s chair, wondering if the blonde had left her handbag under her desk like usual but she got the fright of her life, when, instead of a handbag, she found Bernie tucked into the small space under her desk, her hands ove her ears, legs pulled to her chest as she mumbled incoherently to herself.

Serena sent a quick text to Raf, letting him know she and Bernie were in the office and were only to be disturbed in an emergency before lowering herself to sit on the floor by the desk, “Bernie” she said softly, “Bernie.”  She got no response and gently laid her hand on Bernie’s calf, the easiest part of her body to reach.  Bernie whimpered and jerked back at the touch, barely reacting as her head hit the solid wood of her desk, “sorry” Serena pulled back her hand, “I’m sorry.”

Another firework exploded outside, and, although the office was quite a way from the windows of the ward, Bernie still cried out, the glazed look on her face telling Serena that Bernie wasn’t in the office, she was many miles away and Serena could only imagine the things Bernie had seen, the images her brain was replaying with each bang.

“Bernie” she said calmly but firmly, not even sure if the blonde could hear her, but she knew she had to try, “Bernie, it’s just you and me, we’re in our office at the hospital, in Holby, you’re safe here, the noises you’re hearing are fireworks, you’re safe, I, I’m here and I promise I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.”  She continued talking to her, reassuring her she was safe, for almost fifteen minutes before Bernie showed any sign of hearing her, and a single sound fell from Bernie’s lips.

“‘Rena?”

Serena smiled, reaching under the desk and gently taking hold of Bernie’s hand now her fingers were no longer covering her ears, “I’m here Love, I’m here and you’re safe okay?” Bernie whimpered as she heard another bang, “you’re okay” Serena repeated, “it’s a firework outside” she said, keeping eye contact with the blonde who nodded, trying to keep her focus on Serena, her eyes locked on the other woman.  Serena kept talking to Bernie, maintaining eye contact and gently stroking the back of her hand with her thumb until Bernie seemed somewhat calmer than when Serena had found her.  “Do you think you could come out from under there?” Serena asked softly, “I’d like to give you a  hug but I don’t think my back would thank me for trying to squeeze under there with you.”

Bernie bit her lip for a moment before nodding, reluctantly letting go of Serena’s hand to shuffle out from under her desk, the brunette not hesitating before wrapping the blonde in her arms, Bernie nuzzling instantly into her as Serena once again began repeating her mantra that Bernie was safe as she held her closely, one hand rubbing her back, the other repetitively running through tousled blonde curls as she tried to soothe Bernie the way she’d soothed Elinor so many times before.

Serena’s heart broke at the sound of the scared whimper Bernie tried desperately to hold back each time a firework exploded outside the hospital, “I’m sorry” she finally managed to whisper, her body shaking as she curled into Serena.

“Hey no” Serena gently brushed her lips against the top of Bernie’s head, “you don’t need to apologise to me okay, this is not your fault.”

Bernie simply nodded, tucking her head into the nape of Serena’s neck, there was something about the familiar scent of the other woman that Bernie found more comforting than anything else she’d ever tried to keep herself calm, she knew what this was, she knew many other soldiers who’d been diagnosed with some form of PTSD, that it was nothing to be ashamed of, but nothing had ever triggered her the way the fireworks had tonight.

“Bern” Bernie felt Serena’s soft lips brush against her hair again, “do you think you’ll be okay for two minutes? I erm, I’d like to fetch something that might help.”

Bernie nodded, “could erm, could you get me some water please?” she asked as she reluctantly sat up, leaning back against her desk.

“Of course” Serena gently squeezed Bernie’s hand, “I’ll be two minutes” she promised, using Bernie’s chair to help her to her feet and stretching her back before leaving the office and heading for the staffroom.

Raf glanced up when he heard the door to the staffroom open, “apparetly it’s my turn to make Morvern and Fletch a cuppa” he said as he gestured to the 3 mugs lined up on the side, “want one?”

“No, I’m okay thanks” Serena smiled, “if you wouldn’t mind pouring a glass of water for Bernie, I’d appreciate that thank you” she said as she made her way over to the window, unplugging the small radio that sat on the windowsill.

“How is Ms Wolfe?” Raf asked, passing over the pint glass, ‘borrowed’ from Albie’s, once he’d filled it with cold water.

“Better than when I found her” Serena knew Bernie wouldn’t want her going into too much detail, “is everything okay on the ward?”

“All running smoothly, we’ve got everything in hand for now, I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

“Thank you Raf, there’ll be a pint in it for you the next time you’re in Albie’s.  I’d better get back to Bernie.”

“Of course” he nodded, “let me know if there’s anything either of you need.”

Serena thanked Raf a final time before making her way back to the office, feeling slightly relieved to find Bernie had moved from the floor to sit on one of the visitor’s chairs by Serena’s desk, her aching bones glad she wouldn't have to sit curled on the floor for the rest of the shift even though she knew she would if that's what it took for Bernie to feel safe. “Here you go” she said softly, passing the glass of water to Bernie.

“Thank you” Bernie forced a smile, gripping the glass tightly in her shaking hands as she watched Serena fiddle with the radio she recognised from the staffroom, the radio no one ever seemed to use.

“Ah” Serena smiled proudly as, after several minutes of trying to tune the radio, the room was filled with soft jazz music, “there we go.

Bernie smiled again as Serena sat beside her, “thank you” she said again, understanding straight away that Serena was trying to drown out the noise of the fireworks.

“It’s okay” Serena said softly, wrapping her arm around Bernie as she felt Bernie’s head come to rest against her shoulder, “you’re welcome to spend the night at mine if you don’t want to be alone, you can have Elinor’s room if you want your own space.”

“I wouldn’t want to put you out, or impose on Jason.”

“You wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have asked if I thought I’d be put out by having you stay and Jason’s spending the night with Alan, he used to hate fireworks too but he saw a documentary about how they were made last week and that reassured him somewhat so Alan’s taken him to a display, he's taken his headphones in case it gets too loud for him and I got a text about an hour ago to say he’d had a burger and a coke.”

“I’m glad he’s enjoying himself.”

“Me too” Serena smiled, “and he won’t be home until tomorrow evening so you wouldn’t be imposing on him at all, and it’ll never win any awards but I’ve got a casserole waiting in the slow cooker, and plenty of Shiraz.”

Bernie laughed, “I think you might have twisted my arm.”

“Good” Serena stole a kiss, “and if you want, tomorrow I could talk to Jason about you staying over on a more...regular basis.”

“In Elinor’s room?” Bernie raised an eyebrow.

“Well” Serena pretended to think, “I don’t think Elinor’s bed’s made up, so, if you’re insistent on not putting me out, you’d probably have to bunk in with me.”

“Topping and tailing?”

“Not exactly what I had in mind” Serena laughed.

“And what exactly do you have in mind hmm?” Bernie raised one eyebrow.

“Well…” Serena bit her lip, “I’m sure I could find something other than the radio to take your mind off the fireworks…”


End file.
